Sam Anthony, Facing Death, Found the Courage to Find His Father

FALLS CHURCH, Va. — Three weeks earlier helium died, Sam Anthony, 52, mailed his past wishes to a antheral helium had ne'er met.

He was dying, helium wrote successful a missive postmarked Aug. 2, of an assertive crab successful his rima and pharynx that helium had been struggling with since 2005. He enclosed a transcript of a college alumni mag article astir his high-ranking occupation astatine the National Archives. He was writing, helium explained, due to the fact that the 2 men shared ancestors, a information helium had learned from DNA matches and nationalist records.

He had precocious learned that his biologic father’s sanction was Craig Nelson.

“I americium wondering,” Mr. Anthony wrote, “if you are that Craig.”

In Green Valley, Ariz., connected Aug. 9, Mr. Anthony’s missive recovered its mode into the hands of a 78-year-old retired hose worker.

Craig Nelson’s archetypal thought, holding the envelope and seeing the instrumentality address, was that helium didn’t cognize anybody successful Falls Church, Va. Then helium work the contents.

And started to tremble.

It had been decades since Mr. Nelson had fixed up anticipation of uncovering the biologic lad helium fathered adjacent the extremity of his subject work arsenic an Army medic astatine Fort Bragg successful North Carolina.

“Fifty-two years, that’s a agelong clip to effort to transportation astir a memory,” Mr. Nelson said. “Especially erstwhile you didn’t person a representation to statesman with.”

All helium had ever known of the babe was what the parent told Mr. Nelson successful a brief, long-distance telephone telephone successful 1969: It was a steadfast commencement and she had already fixed him up for adoption.

Now, successful neatly typed, single-spaced, Times New Roman paragraphs, that cipher of a lad — that emptiness — was speaking to him successful a man’s voice. A dying man’s voice.

Mr. Anthony wrote that helium realized “this missive whitethorn travel arsenic a daze to you, and I bash not privation to upset anyone’s life.”

“My anticipation is to presumption photographs and to larn of my household aesculapian history,” helium mildly pleaded. “I americium unfastened to interaction with biologic relatives but bash not privation to intrude.”

Mr. Nelson picked up the phone. He called the fig Mr. Anthony had provided.

Mr. Anthony was successful country to wide a humor clot. The telephone went to dependable mail.

On the signaling helium left, Mr. Nelson, usually a leisurely talker, spoke fast, hurried by nerves and excitement.

“Well, hello, Sam, this is Craig retired successful Arizona that meets each the requirements successful your fantastic letter,” helium said. “I would emotion to speech to you, truthful I volition effort again erstwhile the clip is better. I’m doing fine.”

Thus began a narration successful which 2 men tried to marque up for 52 years of mislaid time.

They had 11 days.

The missive transported Mr. Nelson back, back, backmost — to earlier his retirement, earlier his moves to Honolulu and past Arizona, earlier his 2 marriages that ended successful divorce, earlier the commencement of a girl successful 1972, earlier his instrumentality to civilian beingness arsenic an instrumentality and baggage loader for United Airlines astatine the airdrome successful Portland, Ore., his hometown.

It transported him each the mode backmost to the precocious 1960s, and the twelvemonth oregon truthful helium spent tooling astir North Carolina successful his 1952 Morgan, a sporty, reddish English two-seater, with a young pistillate helium had met astatine a meal enactment adjacent Fort Bragg.

He enlisted successful the Army astatine property 23 successful March 1966, hoping helium would person amended grooming than draftees. He made sergeant and spent his three-year hitch grooming medics.

Then, with his subject work nearing an end, his woman informed him she was pregnant.

Their recollections of what happened adjacent are astatine odds, possibly not amazingly fixed the transition of clip and the ways radical effort to determination on.

She says Mr. Nelson offered to determination successful with her but not wed her. He says helium projected matrimony but she refused, saying she wanted to enactment the babe up for adoption truthful she could decorativeness school.

Upon his discharge successful March 1969, Mr. Nelson returned to Oregon and moved successful with his parents.

She traveled to Lynchburg, Va., spending the last weeks of her gestation successful a location for unwed mothers, hopeless to support the babe a concealed from her friends, her classmates and her father.

Reached by phone, she insisted connected anonymity, saying she did not privation to disrupt her beingness by revealing to household and friends that she had a kid retired of wedlock. Only her parent knew, she said. Her begetter died ne'er having learned.

“It was 1969,” she said. “Good girls, bully girls, did not bash that.”

Mr. Nelson had settled backmost into his parents’ home successful civilian apparel erstwhile helium happened to beryllium astatine location to reply the telephone 1 day. It was his ex-girlfriend.

“She said, ‘I conscionable wanted to archer you’ — and this is simply a quote,” helium recited, “‘that you are present the arrogant begetter of a 9-pound, 10-ounce, bouncing babe boy.’”

In the adjacent breath, however, she informed Mr. Nelson that helium would ne'er beryllium capable to beryllium a begetter of immoderate benignant to the baby. She had already fixed the lad up for adoption and he, arsenic the father, would larn nary much astir his son.

Mr. Nelson and his parents consulted lawyers and adoption officials successful Portland, lone to beryllium told that fathers had adjacent to nary rights erstwhile mothers chose to springiness up their babies for adoption.

Eventually, helium acquiesced. “I thought it was fruitless,” helium said. “That’s the mode things were, then. I believed what I was told by the powers that be.”

To header with the nonaccomplishment of a lad helium knew existed but had ne'er seen, Mr. Nelson tried not to deliberation astir it.

That was impossible. “Things would trigger it,” helium said. “Mentioning North Carolina, that would bash it.”

In time, those feelings of torment resolved themselves into a selfless, consoling wish: “I anticipation helium gets a decent home.”

“How galore adopted radical hunt for their commencement parents?” helium said. “All of them do.”

Yet Mr. Anthony ne'er had.

“He felt similar helium had a large beingness with the parents who raised him,” his wife, Sharon Ellis, said.

Mr. Anthony grew up successful Wilmington, N.C., wherever his parent was a homemaker and his begetter was a French horn-playing neurosurgeon. His sister was besides adopted.

A competitory shot subordinate successful precocious school, Mr. Anthony studied past astatine the University of North Carolina, and landed a occupation retired of assemblage astatine the National Archives and Records Administration arsenic a technician successful the textual and microfilm probe room.

He roseate to go the peculiar adjunct to the archivist, making him a nationalist look of the instauration and giving him work for selecting the gifts that presidents bestowed upon overseas dignitaries.

He showed disconnected copies of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence to thousands of schoolchildren and gave backstage tours to Prince Charles, popular stars and nonrecreational athletes. He led the agency’s lecture program, appeared regularly on C-SPAN, created virtual tours and erstwhile slept connected the level of the National Archives rotunda to trial the room’s sound level.

His parent died of A.L.S. successful 2000. It was lone aft his begetter died of complications from bosom country successful 2016 that Mr. Anthony began to wonderment astir his biologic parents.

A colleague, Debra Steidel Wall, the lawman archivist of the United States, worked alongside Mr. Anthony for 30 years. The No. 2 authoritative astatine the 2,800-person agency, she is besides an amateur genealogist. Her begetter was adopted, and Ms. Wall tracked down his biologic parents and connected with cousins she hadn’t known of.

Every truthful often, she renewed her lasting connection to Mr. Anthony to assistance him find his commencement parents. In September 2020, helium agreed.

Ms. Wall had him instrumentality familial tests from Ancestry and 23andMe. The results showed matches with an assortment of maternal relatives. In conscionable 5 days, Ms. Wall utilized DNA matches, census records and decades-old paper clippings to place and find Mr. Anthony’s biologic mother.

That October, helium sent her a two-page missive introducing himself, informing her of his crab diagnosis and sharing his anticipation to larn astir his household aesculapian history.

Several days later, helium answered a telephone from a blocked telephone number.

“How did you find me,” a pistillate asked successful a heavy Southern accent, “and who other knows?”

She spoke with Mr. Anthony for astir an hour, she said. They discussed his puerility successful Wilmington, his parents, his vocation and his conflict with cancer, which had already weakened his dependable truthful overmuch that it was hard to recognize him.

He asked if they could enactment successful touch. She said she would person to deliberation astir it. She did not springiness him her telephone number. She ne'er called him again.

Their 1 conversation did springiness Mr. Anthony a captious portion of caller information: His father’s sanction was Craig, his mediate archetypal was H, and his past sanction mightiness beryllium Nelson, but she wasn’t certain.

Ms. Wall rapidly connected the dots.

But Mr. Anthony dithered for months astir contacting his biologic father. He couldn’t carnivore different rejection.

In April, helium attended his daughter’s wedding successful a wheelchair, a U.N.C. broad implicit his legs. His dependable had go small much than a rasp. He joked that helium sounded similar Darth Vader.

In mid-June, Ms. Wall helped him draught the missive to Mr. Nelson. But helium held disconnected sending it.

By the extremity of July, helium was confined to a infirmary furniture successful his surviving room.

Finally, connected July 31, helium signed the letter. Ms. Wall sent it by Priority Mail connected Aug. 2.

When Mr. Nelson work it, connected Aug. 9, helium was astir successful tears.

“I thought, ‘Oh my God, it is happening,’” helium said. “‘I americium going to conscionable my son.’”

His girlfriend, Pat Boeck, instantly began packing their things successful her Subaru Forester. They near the adjacent morning, their Shih Tzu successful the backmost seat.

Mr. Nelson drove. Ms. Boeck texted with Mr. Anthony. She sent photos of Mr. Nelson’s 48-year-old daughter, Tory, who works for a market supplier connected the West Coast. Mr. Anthony wrote astir his 26-year-old daughter, Madeline, and her wedding.

Four days and astir 2,300 miles later, Mr. Nelson and Ms. Boeck pulled up to Mr. Anthony’s location successful Falls Church connected the day of Aug. 14.

Mr. Anthony’s woman and girl greeted them successful the beforehand gait and showed them wrong to the surviving room.

“Well, hullo there,” Mr. Nelson said. He asked Mr. Anthony if helium could hug him.

The 3 women near the 2 men unsocial to talk.

It was astir impossible for anyone but Mr. Anthony’s woman and girl to recognize his speech. But immoderate things required fewer words.

Mr. Anthony wanted to spot Mr. Nelson’s feet. Both men wore size 12 shoes.

Both had been six feet gangly and conscionable nether 200 pounds astatine the highest of their vigor.

Ms. Ellis noticed that their heads were the aforesaid shape.

Both tended to extremity their sentences with “sir” oregon “ma’am.”

Mr. Anthony listened, nodded, smiled and squeezed Mr. Nelson’s hand. Mr. Nelson did much of the talking — astir his soldiering days, his occupation astatine the airports and his member Bob, who died of prostate crab astatine 49.

He pulled from his wallet a tattered aged snapshot of him successful his Army uniform, proudly towering implicit his reddish Morgan convertible.

And Mr. Anthony showed photos of himself with Presidents Barack Obama and George W. Bush.

It occurred to Mr. Nelson that Mr. Anthony’s beingness had turned retired richer and fuller than it would person with him.

“I thought, My God, this young man,” helium said. “It must’ve been for the best.”

Mr. Nelson told Mr. Anthony helium wanted him to cognize that helium hadn’t abandoned him.

His lad nodded and smiled.

More and more, Mr. Anthony slept, with Mr. Nelson sitting beside him.

When Mr. Anthony awoke, Mr. Nelson tried to clasp himself together.

“I didn’t privation him to spot maine emotionally crying and reasoning of each the years that went by that we could person been astatine slightest talking,” Mr. Nelson said. “It was a operation of the saddest moments of my life, but besides the proudest.”

On Aug. 18, Ms. Boeck packed the car again, and Mr. Nelson softly told Mr. Anthony that helium would spot him successful heaven.

They were determination connected Interstate 70 adjacent St. Louis connected Aug. 20, Mr. Nelson astatine the wheel, erstwhile Ms. Boeck’s telephone rang. It was Mr. Anthony’s colleague, Ms. Wall.

She told Ms. Boeck, and past Ms. Boeck told Mr. Nelson, that Mr. Anthony was gone. Knowing that the consciousness of proceeding is among the past to go, his woman had enactment connected the latest occurrence of “Ted Lasso,” the amusement astir a relentlessly upbeat shot coach. It was a favourite of her husband’s. He died earlier the occurrence was over.

Mr. Nelson kept driving. He held it unneurotic until that night.

Kitty Bennett contributed research.